Hello, human! I was supposed to post a book review today but I am a piece of nasty garbage who doesn’t finish her damn book (yet bought four more in the past week) and can’t post a review so I will be telling A FREAKING STORY. WHAT???? Yes, a story. I hate myself, too. Well this is a story of the most clumpiest girl on the planet and cannot do ANYTHING right. Have fun reading this long, insanely interesting story. There’s blood. Shall I say much more?
This entire ordeal started the summer before third grade. My dad used to talk me and my brothers to the park all the time when we were little so one day, over the summer, he took us to the brand new local park. It was new at this time and just the fact that it was so new makes the story so much funnier (stick around to the end if you don’t get it by then).
Let me start with a preface. I was wearing white shorts and a pink tank top and I was swinging on the swing set at this busy park. My dad was talking to a random guy that was there with his kids and there was a woman there who was there with her baby. The man happened to be a cop that was with his kid and the woman worked as a paramedic but she was with her abby. Remember these facts.
I was on the swing set going way too high then my tiny little girl self to be allowed to go. I made the very mature decision to jump off the swing when I reached the highest point that I could go. Yeah, well it wasn’t that smart but I did it anyway.
When I landed, I landed on my left arm, sort of on the elbow. I knew something was wrong but my body went into a state of shock so I wasn’t really aware of how severe my injury was so I didn’t scream or react in any sort of way. *At this point I don’t think anyone knew what was really happening, especially not my dad or brothers. They were preoccupied* Then I looked down at my white shorts covered in blood. That’s when I started to freak out.
I tried to turn over my arm because at that point I knew the blood would be coming from my there. I couldn’t. Like, I was physically unable to. I couldn’t stand either, but again I was in a state off shock. I begin to crawl like a scene out of the freaking Exorcist to my dad so I can let him know what happened, even though I didn’t really know what was happening.
When I got to him, I can’t remember if I was crying or not but he looked at me and immediately started to “freak out”. My dad is a police officer, as well as the man he was talking to so he wasn’t really freaking out but he was making a scene. The paramedic mother saw what was happening and rushed over and wrapped my arm in her baby’s (clean) burp cloth. The cop grabs my brothers while my dad was grabbing me and they put us in the car and my dad drove me to the hospital. Why he didn’t call an ambulance, I don’t know, I guess it was just a heat of the moment reaction.
Father called Mother at work and she and my aunt that works there too got in the car to meet us at the hospital. I got to the hospital first and we were in the waiting room. Well then my mother shows up. That is when things drastically change. She shows up, sees me and goes but to the nurses and tells them, “You need to see my child right now we are going to need a bucket because of the blood pouring out of her.” That is when the nurses went running and I was seen immediately. Thanks, Mommy ;}.
The hospital I went to didn’t have the abilities to help me so I had to get transported and that was a whole ordeal let me tell you. First, the guys that came to transport me were just stupid. They were dumb. No sign of intelligent life detected. They then but me on a gurney and rolled me down to an ambulance where they would then drive me to a hospital that was more equipped to help me. They ran over the curb on the way there. Let me just say that.
Okay, now that we’re at that hospital where I got two out of the surgeries, let’s explain what I did to myself. When I jumped off the swing, I landed own my elbow, which broke. I also broke my ulna bone. But, no no, that’s not the worse number I did on that occasion. I also served my median nerve because my bone popped out of my skin. Disgusting and nasty, I know, I’m sorry.
At this point, I got to the proper hospital and surgery was scheduled for the following morning to repair the bones. My mom stays with me over night because SHE’S THE BEST MOMMY EVER AND LOVES ME SO VERY MUCH. Wake up, surgery. *Side note- before going under, I told my mom that my dad was my favorite parent and that she looked like a green alien with five eyes.* While the orthopedic surgeon was fixing my bones he made the decision to put a plate and six screws in my arm. Yay. Also, he saw that my nerves were severed and he tagged it and called a plastic surgeon to fix that issue. So, basically when I woke up from a traumatic surgery, I was told that I would have to get another one the next day. I would have to get my median nerve repaired, which was cut in half. Then median nerve controls the feeling in your hand.
I got the surgery and was sent home to recover. Remember my dad was there when I broke my arm? He felt really bad. He bought me a TV. I came home to a brand new TV and Full House DVDs and some cool movies. I also got Polypockets and a mini shell treasure chest. It was pretty cool. I also had a bright pink cast from my arm pit to my finger tips. Very very uncomfortable.
Then, it came the time to get my cast off. I was terrified and am even having anxiety writing this. First of all, I had never had a cast taken off so I had no idea that they use a freaking ELECTRIC SAW to cut the cast off. On top of that, I had two huge scars with over 300 sutures that obviously have to be removed but when I saw what they use to remove them, I started screaming.
This is what they would use except the scissor looking things were almost triple their size. It turns out that that stitches that my fabulous surgeons used were dissolvable. Thank the surgery gods, I bow down to you. Well anyway at this point I had gotten a goooooood look at my arm. It was scary and discussing and I was just a hot, emotion mess. I wouldn’t let anyone see it and immediately made my dad go to the store to buy be a brace which we were supposed to do anyway but he wanted to wait for the morning. I was not having it. No way. Haha dude you’re funny.
So I got my brace (which I wore for a year) and had to do physical therapy for six months and mental therapy because I was dramatic and my mother can slightly overreact about things.
Anyway, about five years later I noticed that some of the screws felt loose and I had to get them removed. It was an outpatient surgery so that means that I go in, have my surgery and go home. Well I got those removed and they told me that if the screws were too embedded in my bone, they would have to cast me but id they weren’t all I would need was a splint. Well guess what your girl got? The damn cast. Can you hear me screaming??? We were also living at my grandmother’s house so when I got home I was spoiled by her. Ah, good times.
I hope you guys enjoyed this! I have a lot of crazy stories that I could share so if you want to hear me tell more, let me know dude! I like to tell stories and would like to tell them because they are pretty funny. Speaking of funny, the park that I broke my arm out was brand new and had really nice fake grass that I just bled all over. It’s funny now. Still don’t have pages but still have a email (email@example.com). Okay, I’m done rambling sooooo have a great day!